Little did I know as I prepared for and taught this session (as well as listen in on the second session) that I would get so much out of the message for myself. The biggest takeaway for me was 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐛𝐨𝐥𝐝 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐩𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐢𝐧 𝐟𝐚𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐫𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐆𝐨𝐝 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐜𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡 𝐝𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬, especially during challenging times when it's not as easy to do.

It's been a month since I turned the big 4-0. I was told several times leading up to and even after my birthday how freeing being 40 is. That the 40s was a fave age period. I have to say that it has been everything I was told and more. I've come to see that when grief and joy touch, there's beauty in between.

If I did not make the choices I did, I would not have matured in the ways I have. Did I make life harder? Sure. I imagine God shaking his head but also cheering me on once I got back on track.

As I was approaching the big 4-0 a couple of months ago, deep down inside I knew there was some unnecessary weight that needed shedding. I knew after my yearly checkup earlier this year, I had some huge decisions to make when it came to my overall health and well-being. 

Turning 40 almost 2 weeks ago has given me the opportunity to reflect on how far I've come in life and where I would like to go from here.

Saw How Are You Healing as the name of an album recently. I initially read it as how are you feeling? 🤔 Upon reading it again and realizing what it really asked, it instantly had a powerful, pondering effect on me.

Soooo….I started the draft of this blog post on December 17, 2021…just a title. That's it.

Here I am, 226 days later, to take back control of my life! A lot has transpired since December….

It's been well over six months since my last blog post. That makes it almost eight months since dad transitioned from the earthly realm to the spiritual realm. I'd be lying if I said I'm good. I mean, I most certainly have more good days than not but I so truly miss my dad.

The minutes, hours, days, weeks, and now months have been an interesting journey since his passing. I knew of no other grief like this before his passing. Leaning into God, His word, and the people He has placed in my life has been a saving grace. The relationship with my siblings has been strengthened and my faith has increased. I'll be navigating these uncharted waters of grief probably for the rest of my life. God willing, I'll continue to lean into his promises and grieve in healthy ways until the day I step into eternal deliverance in Jesus.

Oddly enough, looking back I've come to realize the experiences before and after such huge losses are there to help you grow. However, that growth can be severely hindered when we're stuck in the darkness not feeling through the feelings. It's very important to slow down and process exactly what you're feeling. Otherwise the darkness will swallow you whole.

There's so much to be said about gratitude. I was taught from a young age to always give thanks and have instilled the same value into my own children.

The Bible references gratitude & thankfulness many times throughout. In places such as 1 Thessalonians 5:18; Colossians 3:15-17; & Psalms 100:4. Reading these verses are such gentle and great reminders of His constant presence in my life and yours too.

2020 has been a year of processing and reflection for me. I haven't been to a counseling session in well over a year. Yet, there is still so much to work through. One thing that I briefly became aware of is the loss of so many things and people over much of my adult life and how I never really stopped for a moment to grieve those losses. I've been programmed to ‘keep it moving’. With every loss, a piece of me went away with it.