How are you healing?
Saw How Are You Healing as the name of an album recently. I initially read it as how are you feeling? 🤔 Upon reading it again and realizing what it really asked, it instantly had a powerful, pondering effect on me.
How am I healing? For awhile, I masked healing with avoidance and withdrawal. How could I possibly face the reality of the many instances in my life that changed it so drastically? Instances like becoming a mother at such an early age, getting married, equating success with obtaining the love and approval I so much desired, the loss of loved ones in the physical realm, and end of friendships without any explanation. Facing the reality of these heavy emotions and feelings was so hard to do with so much and so many to take care of.
Eventually, I became sick and tired of being sick and tired. Do you know what feels like? I was tired of feeling numb, not being able to feel anything. I learned that I had to be intentional with my healing journey. I needed to honor who I was before, who I am now, and who I am becoming. I also needed to honor those who protect me from the spiritual realm now. Otherwise I could risk losing the memories I had of them. Lastly, I had to honor the end of relationships I never expected to end. I may never know why they ended when they did but one thing I know for sure, those relationships served their purpose as required.
I needed to honor who I was before, who I am now, and who I am becoming.
Today, I am healing by showing up as my best self day in and day out. My best self looks different everyday. It's not allowing the withdrawal and avoidance to consume or control me as much. It's loving on my family and friends knowing that the next minute, hour, day, or year is not promised. I fail miserably each day but everyday I wake up, I know it's another chance to try harder. I try to honor my ancestors in my thoughts and my actions reach day. I give glory and honor to God every single day for showing up in my life. I don't deserve anything I have but I am eternally grateful that God is so good for continuing to not give up on me and loves me that way He does.
